I can count on one hand the number of times I have dreamed of Jordan since his death. The first time he simply hung around in the background – I was aware of his presence but he didn’t speak and I couldn’t really see him; I just knew he was there. In the second dream he and I were in the kitchen, pulling dishes from the cupboard for him to take to his new place. (Not hard to read the symbolism  in that one). Last night I dreamed I was at our cabin. I was outside, and the place was packed with people. While there seemed to be many people there that I didn’t know, I didn’t mind really mind as I was busy serving wine to my Clothes Club.

A car pulled up, I turned to look and there were Jordan and Lucas getting out of the vehicle. I went to Jordan immediately and wrapped my arms around him for a very long, very tight embrace. We didn’t speak; I just stood with my arms wrapped around him, my heart filled with love.

And then I was in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to feed all these people with only one container of Costco potato salad and those President’s Choice crackers with fennel and cranberry. I felt like Marlo Thomas in the episode of “That Girl” when she improvises appetizers by spreading peanut butter on individual corn chips. (Isn’t the brain astonishing? I can’t remember a conversation I had two weeks ago, but I can recall with absolute clarity an episode from a 1960’s sitcom!).

I woke from my dream feeling such a sense of peace. I laid there for a good twenty minutes, replaying and re-experiencing that hug. In my dream Jordan was wearing the blue tank top from the picture I posted in my last blog. So the logical side of my brain is insisting that I summoned the dream forth from those memories. But the right side of my brain, the part that helps me recall “That Girl”, believes it was more spiritual than that.

My heart and I – well, we are content to simply be grateful it happened.