Jordan would have turned 24 today. We began his birthday as we have so many times over the years – lying in the dark on the deck at the cabin, watching the Perseid meteorite shower; heaven’s annual birthday gift to our boy. But no matter how many shooting stars we wished on tonight – not a one will make our wish come true. Missing you desperately. Love you Forever.
I don’t think I have ever been so tired and yet so unable to sleep. I am sitting out on the deck in the dark. My poor sweet dog is curled up beside me- he has been so sad and mournful today. We are listening to Jann Arden’s ” Hanging by a Thread” and having a little cry.
I have struggled all afternoon to find a word to describe today’s experience. Wonderful. Horrible. Satisfying. Sad. Final. Cathartic.
Today at the funeral home we said our final goodbyes. Everyone brought a private note to place with Jordan. Someone brought flowers to tuck under his hands. We brought his favourite hat, Niko’s first collar and leash, the letter telling him he made Dean’s list. Letters we had written to him over the years. A picture of Jordan and I taken about an hour after he was born. I borrowed Lindsay’s copy of Robert Munsch’s ” Love You Forever”, read it to him one last time and placed it on his heart.
We then carefully wrapped him in the sheet, placed the lid on the wooden box and nailed it shut.
Everyone was then invited to write and draw messages of love and remembrance on the coffin. We then joined hands and circled him for one final prayer.
And then the three of us wrapped our arms around each other and cried our hearts out.
I am so proud of Lucas. He has been there every minute. He helped lift his brother from the table to the box. He has never left my side. He seems to have aged 5 years this week.
I think Jordan would have been pleased; a simple wooden box and then into the flames – just like the Vikings. It seemed so right to do it this way – comforting somehow. At the end I knew Jordan wasn’t there anymore – I could not feel his spirit and I felt a small degree of peace. I like to imagine that he and Paulette are sitting by a lake somewhere, having some tea and a long talk.
Tuesday can’t come soon enough
One of the many gifts we have received in the wake of Jordan’s death, is this beautiful email and photo from our neighbors at the lake. I can’t even begin to describe the peace and comfort it brought, and continues to bring, to us.
Dear Greg, Lori and Lucas,
Your family has not left our thoughts for more than a few passing moments since Diane and Duncan told us the awful news about Jordan. Duncan told me this afternoon that you would try to come up to the lake on Wednesday, but we will have left for Calgary by then, so I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you what we saw in and of Jordan last weekend.
On Saturday at 5:30, Aidan called us as we were leaving the block party and said “There’s a guy on Lori and Greg’s deck. It looks like Jordan but with really short hair.” I said “Well, it’s probably Jordan with a haircut.” Mike and I came home a few minutes later with Diane, and met Jordan on the driveway. He smiled a warm smile and Diane said “You must have got your car running!” He replied that “Dad worked his magic.” Diane asked him if he’d be up for the rest of the weekend and he said he would, so I said “Let me know if you need anything” and Diane said “Come over for whatever you might need.” Jordan replied “I think I’ll be okay, but I might stop by for a beer with Duncan later.” Diane said “You’re welcome anytime! Just come on over!”
Our kids had bike ramps all over the driveway loop, and Aidan had joined us on the driveway by this time and I said to Jordan “I hope you made it around the jumps okay!” He looked at Aidan and said “I just about took your jump in my car, but I was worried about the air I’d get!” Aidan laughed, and so did Jordan.
The weather on Saturday was around 20 degrees, and there was a slight breeze, but it was nice enough to sit outside. Jordan was out on the front deck sitting in a chair, then he sat on the dock for a while and later he took a walk down the beach. Mike chatted with Jordan when he came back from his walk, and told him about the hot tub hauling project the next day. Jordan told Mike he’d come and help.
On Sunday morning it was bright and sunny, with a few clouds in the sky. I was out sweeping off the deck and Jordan was sitting on the deck with a blue thermos of coffee – I think he got it from Moe earlier that morning. I said good morning to him and he said it back, again with that small warm smile. At 10 am we started the process to move the hot tub from the back of our cabin to the front lawn. Jordan came over and helped build the ramp we used to get Duncan and Diane’s quad (pulling the boat trailer with the tub) over our deck pathway. He carried wood from under our deck and your deck to support the sheets of plywood that the quad drove over. He worked with us for about 30 minutes getting everything ready, and then with me held back tree branches as Mike drove the quad through the trees between your cabin and ours. He and I talked about your hot tub getting all set up, saying “Dad finally got the hot tub fixed up!” He seemed excited that it was up and running and told me hot tubs were community bath tubs!
Midway through the hot tub hauling, the ramp started to give, so Jordan sprinted for more planks to support the plywood ramp. My dad was carrying one of the large heavy log posts from under our deck and Jordan said “I’ll take that one.” He and my dad fixed the ramp and the quad made it onto the lawn. He was laughing with me at all of the “supervisors” giving advice on how best to get the job done — between me, my dad, my brother Jason, Diane, Duncan, Murray, Murray’s son-in-laws and Mike, there were plenty of ideas!
Once the boat trailer with the hot tub loaded on top was on the lawn, we had to get it onto the deck that Mike built to support it. Everyone had a theory for how best to move it. Jordan finally said “There are quite a few of us here. Why don’t we just try lifting it?” And that’s how it made it’s way from the trailer onto the deck. Jordan and Mike and my brother were on one side, Murray, my dad and Murray’s son in laws on the other side. They heaved it up onto the deck and then they shimmied it around and pushed it in. Jordan suggested that Mike notch out another small portion of the deck to further slide the tub in, and that’s what he did and it fit perfectly. Mike told me after that Jordan’s shoulder had popped out while pushing the tub in and Mike was alarmed, Jordan said “Oh, it does this all the time! I just pop it back in!” He told Mike that he was long boarding down a hill earlier that week and took a big spill, his shoulder had popped out then and he’d popped it back in.
We then had to get the boat trailer off the front lawn and back into the backyard. Mike and Diane were going to try and pull it back with the quad, and my dad said “I’ll just pull it out” and Jordan said “No, I’ll take it.” He walked over to the trailer, took it from my dad, and dragged the trailer to the back yard. Diane and I were commenting to him that he was stronger than all of the old guys on the lawn – he used one arm to take the trailer back! He came back to the ramped area and started cleaning up the planks and lumber, and made sure to get the heavy pieces before my dad had a chance to touch them. In all honesty, he seemed intent on making sure that my dad did not have heavy work to do. He seemed worried about him carrying and lifting. He had a very kind heart. He knew which lumber belonged where, several times saying where the planks had come from. We thanked him profusely, as he truly did so much to help get the hot tub in place. He said “No problem! I’m happy to help!”
Not long after, Jordan walked down the beach in his bare feet, and returned a couple of hours later with a big loaf of bread. He was outside on the deck for a while and then left in his car for a few hours. We went to my mom and dad’s for supper and by the time we came back his car was there. At my mum and dad’s cabin, my dad kept going on about what a great help Jordan was, and said that not many kids his age pitch in like he did. He was very impressed with Jordan, we all were.
The evening was warm and calm. Around 8:30, the sky was that perfect lavender and Jordan was out sitting and standing at the end of the dock again. I was down on the dock with Mike cleaning up the water toys from the boat. Jordan smiled at me and he looked happy and relaxed, by now he was sitting in the boat. The air had calmed by then, and it was a lovely night. Thankfully the mosquitoes have really declined over the last two weeks, so sitting outside was comfortable.
That evening the stars were bright. Jordan was out on the deck having a smoke when I tidied up the deck at around 10. I said “Have a good night Jordan” and he said “You too.” He couldn’t have missed seeing the stars, they were so bright that to miss them was impossible.
When I put the kids to bed at 11 there was a small light on in your living room. By the time I went to bed at midnight, the light was turned off. When I got up in the morning, Jordan had left.
He seemed peaceful and relaxed this weekend. There was no indication that anything was wrong. We don’t know Jordan very well, but he’s always been very friendly, and offered the sweetest smiles to me and the kids. We can’t begin to imagine the pain you are all feeling, and the anguish at not having had the weekend with him at the lake. He really seemed to be just where he needed to be, and his moments sitting out on the dock seemed to be filled with peace.
I was so impressed with Jordan this weekend, and at the RM meeting. He spoke so eloquently during the meeting, and when he and I went up after the meeting and stood in line to speak with the Reeve, he was chatty. He said to the Reeve something like “I really don’t understand why you would ignore the advice of an international expert in drainage. It doesn’t make sense!” He was obviously a proud son. His kindness toward my dad will be something I never forget. It is rare to meet someone so young who is so tuned into the physical limits of older people. I’m not exaggerating when I say he shadowed my dad the entire morning we worked to move the tub.
We sincerely hope that the lake remains a place of peace for all of you. I carefully looked at your beach, and his foot prints are in the sand walking up to your dock. I’ve taken photos of them for you. I hope they are still here when you come up this week.
Your tribute to him is beautiful. You raised a lovely lovely son, and he will be missed by all of the lake neighbours. Duncan and Diane are shell shocked. The pain we all feel for your family is tremendous and we will be praying for your peace.
Take good care.
With love,
Tasha and Mike
The world is a lonelier place today. The colors are muted; there is less shine to the stars, no warmth to the sun. The sudden and unexpected loss of our beloved Jordan has left an entire extended family shattered. At a time when one should be writing a graduation or wedding tribute, his mother Lori, his father Greg, his brother Lucas and his cherished dog Niko are left to mourn his loss and celebrate the gift of his life.
Jordan held himself to such incredibly important values: kindness, honesty, trustworthiness. He had a strong work ethic, strong views on social justice, a commitment to physical health, and he leveraged the Chartier gene for determination (some may say stubbornness) to be successful in everything he tried. Jordan was always a little bit “more”; more intense, more determined, more focused, more caring, more kind. The intensity with which he attacked athletics, academics and every other endeavour he undertook was both a strength and weakness.
Jordan attended Evan Hardy Collegiate and graduated from Grade 12 as one of the top 10 students; qualifying him as a Greystone scholar. He received academic awards for the highest marks in science and in industrial arts and the furniture he built in Woods was of artisan quality. He loved the outdoor club and the annual canoe trip was always eagerly anticipated. He took pride in doing well at school and could not wait to get to University and get started on his dream of becoming a doctor – achieving Dean’s list in his first year. What is even more remarkable is that he achieved this while spending every Saturday morning for 3 years volunteering with the PAALS program on campus and almost daily as a volunteer coach with his beloved Arn’s Falcons.
Jordan always had your back. In life and in sports, where playing defense always felt like home to him. There wasn’t a sport invented that Jordan didn’t excel at; hockey with the Red Wings, soccer with the Aurora Club, running middle distance for the Saskatoon Track Club, barefoot skiing and wakeboarding at the cabin. He was a proud Kids of Steel and went on to the Saskatchewan Triathlon Association where he won the provincial and interprovincial triathlon in his age category for two years. But football was his true love and passion – and he made lifelong friends during his four years with the Arn’s Falcons and then the Hardy Souls.
Family was everything to Jordan. Gatherings of the clan at Emma Lake, the annual camping trip to Waskesiu, hot cross buns at Easter, elbowing his way through the packed kitchen at Grandma’s to ensure he got his share of the turkey, enjoying another of Uncle Darren’s gourmet feasts, working in the Greenhouse with Grandpa, proudly doing his shift at the Farmer’s Market. And within minutes of arriving at any family event, Jordan would immediately have little cousins hanging from him like Christmas lights. He absolutely adored Niko the wonder dog and the long rambling walks through Sutherland Beach were a source of comfort and healing for Jordan. Our grand family adventure – six months touring New Zealand and Australia – was a turning point in our life as a family. It cemented the boy’s relationship as brothers and enlarged their view of the world.
We have learned a lot about resilience these past five years; and about hope and despair. We’ve witnessed the terrible toll that stigma can play in a young person’s fight to recover from an illness that robs them of their very essence. We will not let the challenges he faced in the last few years erase all that Jordan was as a person.
Those who knew and loved Jordan are invited to a celebration of his life at 4pm Tuesday August 6th at Holy Family Cathedral. No suits please. Wear your flip flops and shorts, your favorite t-shirt, a jersey from one of his teams.
If you wish to honour Jordan’s memory – a donation to the Kinsmen Football league to purchase equipment that would allow more kids to play, or to any of the agencies committed to supporting those with mental illness would be greatly appreciated.
Jordan had his final court appearance this morning. Absolute Discharge (no criminal record) – which is the only just result. Everyone involved knew he had no business being in the criminal system in the first place. So now he is ours again.
How do all those poor souls without loving families manage? He was immediately out the courthouse door and on the street with his prison sweats on his back. No jacket. No money. No ride. It is apparently up to him to go to the Police Station or Correctional Center to find his clothes and belongings. No meds either– and he does not have a current prescription for Lithium. His last dose of Olanzipine was Tuesday – and he refuses to take any until he sees Dr. A on the 23rd. He says he only needs it “prn”. I called the pharmacy and begged 4 days of Lithium from them until I can get in touch with Dr. A on Monday.
He’s jittery. Rapid speech. Up and down the stairs. In and out of the house. It’s exhausting. He smoked 4 cigarettes in the first hour – sigh. We need to buy an income property and put him in it asap. He’s by no means well – but hopefully some of it is just relief at being out and at home. And while I predict we will have another episode within six months, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best.
My beautiful boy is in there somewhere – when the judge asked him if he had anything to say, he stood and said “I’d like to apologize to the court for my previous state of mind and my behaviour” and the judge told him that he had nothing to apologize for – he can’t help the fact that he has a mental illness. But he can take steps to stay well – by staying off weed and staying on meds. I asked him if his lawyer told him to apologize – no, he replied, I just felt I needed to.
My arm is much better. I can shower and dress myself (bit of a weird hair thing going on though as I try and style with my left hand). I used a knife and sliced a cucumber without popping my bone out. I even signed my name to the document that signals the end of mortgage payments on the cabin (just in time to take on another mortgage for that income property)
My knee is still very sore. And tough to find the right position to sit comfortably. Walking is still a painful challenge so I will be making everyone come to me at work next week. I will experiment with some long acting arthritis meds and see if that improves things.
I have given up waiting for the snow to disappear – my Weather Network app shows little snowflakes till next Thursday. To cope with this depressing news, Lucas and I have turned viewing all the spring ads on TV for bug spray and lawn fertilizer into a drinking game.
Our kitchen was filled with laughter and memories today – it finally felt like Christmas!
Sugar Cookie Day looks a little different now then it did 20 years ago. Dozens of cookies of all shapes and sizes have been replaced with man sized Christmas Trees. Three colors of icing, chocolate sprinkes, and multi colored sparkles have given way to a giant bowl of icing plopped beside the cookie jar for “ice as you go” convenience. When they were little, the boys would often lose interest after decorating 4 or 5 cookies and I’d be left all alone to decorate the remaining three dozen by myself. Now I’m lucky if there are still cookies left by the time I’ve washed the dishes!
Even Jordan made an appearance to eat some dough – lured no doubt by the traditional sugar cookie music – Lucas and I were singing along to “I believe in Santa Clause” from Kenny and Dolly’s Once Upon A Christmas. The original television special aired the Christmas Greg was travelling in Australia, and “Christmas Without You” can still bring me to tears. I wore out the vinyl album and was thrilled to find the CD a few years ago. A copy now lives on my IPOD – so if we are ever blessed by grandchildren the tradition will live on.
What would the world be like without music instantly transporting you to people and places? Memories of this year will be stirred everytime I hear “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas” – I’ll picture bare chested Lucas with his home done haircut (it looks surprisingly good) belting out ” No crocodiles, or rhinoceruses, I only like hippopotamusses!”
Last Christmas I was still pretty raw, and I spent a lot of time listening to the Goo Goo Dolls and hoping for “better days”
“And you ask me what I want this year
And I’ll try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days”
I’m not sure that at first glance you’d classify 2010 as “better days”, but it certainly taught me to be better at accepting that which I cannot change, changing those things that are within my control, and being thankful for all that is good and joyful in my life. So the Christmas song getting a lot of play time at our house this year is Josh Grobin’s “Thankful”.
Some days, we forget to look around us.
Some days, we can’t see the joy that surrounds us.
So caught up inside ourselves, we take when we should give.
So for tonight we pray for what we know can be.
And on this day we hope for what we still can’t see.
It’s up to us to be the change,
And even though we all can still do more,
There’s so much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for all of you and I am hoping you are all enjoying the season as well.
” I learned that parents can bear almost anything. Every time we reach a point where we feel as if we can’t bear any more, we do. Things had descended in a way that I never could have imagined, and I shocked myself with my ability to rationalize and tolerate things that were once unthinkable”
The parent who wrote the above quote is David Sheff, a writer for the NY Times. The quote comes from an article he wrote called “My addicted son”. He went on to write a book called “Beautiful Boy”. Which could just as easily been called “Jordan”.
We’ve been making a little progress with Jordan. Hard to see it sometimes when you are buried in the day to day crap. He had been doing really well on the Respiridon – brighter, more talkative. We even had a lovely supper out a few weeks ago. Then the UIC cheque came and we descended into another smoke filled black hole.
I lost it – on Greg and Jordan. Said I would no longer be witness to his death spiral and would be moving out (since Greg can’t yet get to the point of kicking him out). That he was killing himself, killing the family. As luck would have it, the next day Dr. A had a frank and honest conversation with Jordan about the deterioration he was seeing and the risk he was running of permanent cognitive function loss. Jordan sat on it for a night and then came and said he would go to Edgewood. I said if he was sincere about it, that he could check into Larson House first. So he did. Lasted 3 days. Came home and said he wasn’t comfortable there, that it didn’t feel like the place for him, that the sessions were not what he expected (they spent one session playing two truths and a lie and he struggled to see the value), could he go to Edgewood?
Made him call Edgewood and talk to a counsellor. Made sure he was aware that he had to do group sessions there as well and that he wouldn’t always understand the point behind the exercises. That he would have a roommate, have to do chores etc. That it wasn’t a spa vacation. That if he walked away from Edgewood and disapeared, that it would most likely kill us. Or at a minimum bring on the cardiac arrest that has been imminent for the last 18 months.
He still wants to go. Says he knows he needs to stop smoking and that it needs to be for the rest of his life and that he can’t do it alone. So we agreed. Truthfully, I am not overly optimistic that this will be successful. But Greg and I decided that if we don’t try it, and things continue on this downhill slide, we will always wonder if it could have made the difference.
So I am pulling escort duty on Tuesday. As seems to be the recurring pattern of the last three years, Greg is once again away when things hit a crisis point. If it was a direct flight I would just put Jordan on the plane, but the two hours in Vancouver makes everyone a little nervous. I am also a little worried about continuity of care in regards to his meds so would like to have a person to person conversation with the psychiatrist. There is also the little matter of the downpayment…yikes…I just keep focusing on how many airmiles it will generate 🙂
But most importantly, Jordan asked me if I would come with him. And no matter how angry and disapointed I am with him, and even though I feel as if he has beaten all feeling out of my soul – he is my kid. And I need to recognize how hard it was for him to finally reach this decision and show him that I support him. As one of the family panel members said at last year’s workshop – “Were it not for hope, the heart would break. Hope kept me alive”. So we keep hope’s light burning.
Fingers crossed.
“Am I not a man? And is a man not stupid? I’m a man, so I married. Wife, children, house, everything. The full catastrophe.” — Alexis Zorba
A biting, barking, pooping bundle of energy named Niko appears to have delivered us to a state of “full catastrophe”. I think Zorba the Greek would appreciate the irony of his name. Originating from the Greek ‘Nikolaos’ which means ‘victory of the people’, I am hoping “the people” will soon be victorious when it comes to house training. However Niko is also the name of the character played by Steven Seagal in the 1988 film, “Above the Law” so I am not getting too cocky about our ability to emerge as pack leaders.
He is everything a Goldendoodle was promised to be. Full of energy and delighted to chase you around the back yard and snuffle his way through the new snow, and equally delighted to curl up on top of your feet where ever you may be sitting. The only time he acts reserved is when he wants to go outside – he simply sits by the back door and waits patiently for someone to notice. Given the number of times we have missed that subtle signal, we need to give him tools (like a bell) to help him train us better.
He has replaced the newspaper as the entertainment during my morning coffee. Watching him stalk and pounce his chew toys like a little lion cub, slipping and sliding on the hardwood floor … I can see I am going to struggle not to be late for work!
Lucas is madly in love with him and seems to be Niko’s first choice for playmate. Jordan is anxious for Niko to get fully immunized so he can take him for long walks. Greg, who pulls night duty, just wants him to sleep through the night! I am finding the whole experience a little daunting and feel quite incompetent to raise this puppy, but he seems no worse for wear for all our bumbling and fumbling and is pretty forgiving of the mistakes we make.
Christmas and New Year’s went by without much notice and unfortunately Lucas got the short end of the stick again. We have been consumed by his brother for several months now and “normal” or at least our new version of ‘normal’ doesn’t look like it will be arriving any time soon. Which is undoubtedly why Niko has chosen Lucas as being most worthy of his love and attention (and a large part of why I decided to get a dog in the first place).
So we find ourselves in 2011, which means another year has slipped away. I’ve never been a big believer in the whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing, but I do see these early days of January as an opportunity to take stock and revisit where we were at this time last year and where we had hoped to be by this year. Unfortunately few of our hopes and dreams were realized and we were dealt a few new surprises. I’ve discovered that my goal for this year is actually pretty basic – I am going to try not to die in 2011. To regain my health and find some balance. To actively seek peace every day – even if it only lasts a moment or two. To let go and focus on what I can change (me) in order to ensure that I continue to be here for my family. So upon reflection, I guess I do have a few resolutions I need to make.
I resolve to laugh more, love more and add healthy doses of playtime to my daily routine.
To be slow to anger and quick to forgive.
To listen more and lecture less.
To be less judgmental of others, but most of all myself.
To dole out plenty of hugs and kisses and recognize their immense healing power – even if the recipient seems resistant!
To pick my battles carefully and learn how to “lighten up”
To use my time more wisely and that being said, understand how to prioritize in order to attain that whole “staying alive” thing!
To be more charitable and have my sons follow suit.
To count my blessings. To see that having Jordan in our life, with all his pain and struggles, is far, far better than the alternative.
And to finally, finally, make time every day to write.
It’s 8:30 PM your time, I imagine Sandra is ready to crash after getting up at 3:30 AM to drive me to the airport.(I know you offered Karen. I tried to say no to her but she is a force onto herself). I hope Andrew had a wonderful time at his birthday party.
Greg picked me up at the Kelowna Airport in a rental vehicle the Maltman’s had arranged for him. I was fine till I got out of the car at the Penticton Psych Centre. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stand up straight – a full blown anxiety attack right there in the parking lot. I imagine it’s a sight they are well used to.
My brief psych rotation on West One in the old City Hospital when I was a second year nursing student did little to prepare me to deal with seeing my son in the midst of full blown psychotic break. He is still convinced that he is wanted by the police, that they raided our house, that his room is bugged, that they are spying through the window. I had to leave the unit and then absolutely lost it in the parking lot.
He is better tonight than he was this morning. He continues to have paranoid delusions but at least he is sharing them with us. They have him on Respiradol and they say it could take another 48 – 72 hours to be effective. The good news – according to the psychiatrist – is that he was in treatment within 3 days of onset and not 3 weeks or months and there is a very good chance he will fully recover. I refuse to consider any other outcome. The bad news – he may need to be in care here for as long as a month. Greg and I (and the hospital staff) all agree that to move him during his inpatient treatment would be a mistake. When he is ready for outpatient care we will transition him to Saskatoon.
We are going to give it another 24 hours and then make a decision about what to do. Right now, he needs both of us here. He wouldn’t go for his CT scan without Greg (to ensure they didn’t try something) and me (to stay behind and guard his room). We have to be back at 7:30 in the morning to help them get the EEG done.
We’ve talked about taking turns staying a week at a time – but it’s really hard to know if having us here helps or hinders his recovery. He is an adult. And he doesn’t interact with the care team when we are around. All I know is we need to find cheaper accommodation. The Ironman Triathlon is on this weekend and everyone has jacked up their prices as a result. We had to ask social services help us find this room.
By supper Jordan was able to remember that he stashed his $270 dollar skate board, ipod et.c in a backpack near “spot b”. We assume that is on the acreage where they found him. Perhaps after a good night’s sleep he’ll be able to narrow the location down by a few hectares.
It is still very surreal. I sit there and listen to Jordan express these bizarre ideas and I find myself waiting for the punch line. This isn’t the life I ordered – can I please send it back?
Our world imploded yesterday afternoon at 4:15 pm when I answered the phone and heard Constable Despins of the Summerland RCMP ask me if Jordan Chartier was my son. I can’t even type those words without crying. He is fine, or at least safe, but the last 18 hours have been very difficult and we aren’t out of the woods yet.
Constable Despins was calling to tell me that Jordan had been spotted at 1000 am yesterday on a private acreage in the Summerland area. When approached by a neighbor who told him he couldn’t stay there, Jordan replied that he had to leave his car and belongings, that he was “wanted” by the police but that she shouldn’t worry, he wasn’t a bad guy. He offered her his spare keys so that she could move his car and belongings and when she declined he jumped on his skateboard and took off with just the clothes on his back. She was disturbed enough by this encounter to call the RCMP. When they arrived they found he had left his laptop and cellphone and clothes on a picnic table. His passport and driver’s license were in the car. He had taken off the license plate and locked it in his trunk. The Constable wanted to know if we knew what he was doing in the area and if he was traveling with someone. We had no idea.
The next few hours are a bit of a blur. Between Facebook, text messaging and cellphones we managed to contact his friends and piece together the last couple of days. Perhaps someday in the far away future when I am not so raw, I can give a presentation called “social networking saved my son”. Today I am just unbelievably grateful that this new generation is wired.
I am also grateful to my brother in law Dave who used his connections with the police force to confirm that Jordan was not in trouble and that we weren’t making the situation worse for him by bringing in the RCMP to find him. I can’t even find words to describe how I feel about Tom and DeeDee Maltman, who in the middle of dealing with their own family emergency in Kelowna, combed the streets of Summerland last night looking for my son. And I can never express how grateful we are to Jordan’s friend Adam, who called us back at 1030 last night and said “We were talking about this at football practice and I think I need to tell you a little more about his behaviour Sunday night”. He put the final pieces of the puzzle together for us.
Sometime Sunday Jordan began “zoning out” as Adam puts it. Acting agitated, talking about someone coming to get him. He hung a sheet up in the entrance to the family room to block the view from the front door. I have no doubt he is the reason all the spare keys hidden outside have disapeared. While they were in the middle of watching a movie, he bolted out of the house at 3 in the morning and when Adam tracked him down by cellphone it appeared that he had been hiding in the bushes. He claimed he heard sirens and knew they were coming for him. There were no sirens. He packed everything he owned and claimed he was going to the lake. When Adam asked him why he was packing all his stuff, he just said “don’t worry about it”.
With that information we were able to convince the RCMP that they weren’t looking for a suspect, they were looking for a kid who was in deep trouble. And there is a special place in heaven for Constable Luscomb and his partner who made it a priority last night to find my kid and who were finally able to call us with good news at 2 AM.
Greg and Dave had already booked tickets for the 0530 flight to Kelowna; prepared to launch a search and rescue mission. Packing a plastic bag with your son’s dirty laundry so that the search dogs would have a scent is something I pray I never to have to do again. Because the ticket was already bought in his name, and because he was terrified to leave his other son alone, Greg insisted on flying out by himself this morning and is about half an hour away from reaching Jordan as I type this. I’ve just hung up from a conversation with the mental health nurse who confirmed that Jordan is in full blown psychosis – it’s too early to know exactly what is going on or to make a prognosis. The psychiatrist flies in from Vernon on Thursday – they have him on a 48 hour hold till then. Jordan hasn’t slept or eaten in over 72 hours. They were finally able to get him to take some meds this morning so hopefully he will sleep.
I am trying to focus on the fact that he is safe and getting the care he needs. I am trying really hard not to think about all the “s” words like suicide and schizophrenia or to think about what might have happened if that woman hadn’t recognized a kid in distress and called the RCMP. We could very well have lost him.
Despite Greg’s insistence that there is no point in us both being out there, I desperately need to see and hold my son and talk to his physician face to face. However I will wait till we talk to the psychiatrist tommorow before booking a flight – who knows, it may take us awhile to get him stable enough to travel and we may need to tag team for a couple of weeks.
Please please don’t phone me. I am barely holding it together and when I have to talk about it out loud I lose it. I know you all love me and Jordan and that you will be keeping us in your thoughts. I will keep you posted in regards to my travel plans and Jordan’s status.
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