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Your sweet, sweet boy…

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footprint

One of the many gifts we have received in the wake of Jordan’s death, is this beautiful email and photo from our neighbors at the lake. I can’t even begin to describe the peace and comfort it brought, and continues to bring, to us.

Dear Greg, Lori and Lucas,

Your family has not left our thoughts for more than a few passing moments since Diane and Duncan told us the awful news about Jordan. Duncan told me this afternoon that you would try to come up to the lake on Wednesday, but we will have left for Calgary by then, so I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you what we saw in and of Jordan last weekend.

On Saturday at 5:30, Aidan called us as we were leaving the block party and said “There’s a guy on Lori and Greg’s deck. It looks like Jordan but with really short hair.” I said “Well, it’s probably Jordan with a haircut.” Mike and I came home a few minutes later with Diane, and met Jordan on the driveway. He smiled a warm smile and Diane said “You must have got your car running!” He replied that “Dad worked his magic.” Diane asked him if he’d be up for the rest of the weekend and he said he would, so I said “Let me know if you need anything” and Diane said “Come over for whatever you might need.” Jordan replied “I think I’ll be okay, but I might stop by for a beer with Duncan later.” Diane said “You’re welcome anytime! Just come on over!”

Our kids had bike ramps all over the driveway loop, and Aidan had joined us on the driveway by this time and I said to Jordan “I hope you made it around the jumps okay!” He looked at Aidan and said “I just about took your jump in my car, but I was worried about the air I’d get!” Aidan laughed, and so did Jordan.

The weather on Saturday was around 20 degrees, and there was a slight breeze, but it was nice enough to sit outside. Jordan was out on the front deck sitting in a chair, then he sat on the dock for a while and later he took a walk down the beach.  Mike chatted with Jordan when he came back from his walk, and told him about the hot tub hauling project the next day. Jordan told Mike he’d come and help.

On Sunday morning it was bright and sunny, with a few clouds in the sky. I was out sweeping off the deck and Jordan was sitting on the deck with a blue thermos of coffee – I think he got it from Moe earlier that morning. I said good morning to him and he said it back, again with that small warm smile. At 10 am we started the process to move the hot tub from the back of our cabin to the front lawn. Jordan came over and helped build the ramp we used to get Duncan and Diane’s quad (pulling the boat trailer with the tub) over our deck pathway. He carried wood from under our deck and your deck to support the sheets of plywood that the quad drove over. He worked with us for about 30 minutes getting everything ready, and then with me held back tree branches as Mike drove the quad through the trees between your cabin and ours. He and I talked about your hot tub getting all set up, saying “Dad finally got the hot tub fixed up!” He seemed excited that it was up and running and told me hot tubs were community bath tubs!

Midway through the hot tub hauling, the ramp started to give, so Jordan sprinted for more planks to support the plywood ramp. My dad was carrying one of the large heavy log posts from under our deck and Jordan said “I’ll take that one.” He and my dad fixed the ramp and the quad made it onto the lawn. He was laughing with me at all of the “supervisors” giving advice on how best to get the job done — between me, my dad, my brother Jason, Diane, Duncan, Murray, Murray’s son-in-laws and Mike, there were plenty of ideas!

Once the boat trailer with the hot tub loaded on top was on the lawn, we had to get it onto the deck that Mike built to support it. Everyone had a theory for how best to move it. Jordan finally said “There are quite a few of us here. Why don’t we just try lifting it?” And that’s how it made it’s way from the trailer onto the deck. Jordan and Mike and my brother were on one side, Murray, my dad and Murray’s son in laws on the other side. They heaved it up onto the deck and then they shimmied it around and pushed it in. Jordan suggested that Mike notch out another small portion of the deck to further slide the tub in, and that’s what he did and it fit perfectly. Mike told me after that Jordan’s shoulder had popped out while pushing the tub in and Mike was alarmed, Jordan said “Oh, it does this all the time! I just pop it back in!” He told Mike that he was long boarding down a hill earlier that week and took a big spill, his shoulder had popped out then and he’d popped it back in.

We then had to get the boat trailer off the front lawn and back into the backyard. Mike and Diane were going to try and pull it back with the quad, and my dad said “I’ll just pull it out” and Jordan said “No, I’ll take it.” He walked over to the trailer, took it from my dad, and dragged the trailer to the back yard. Diane and I were commenting to him that he was stronger than all of the old guys on the lawn – he used one arm to take the trailer back! He came back to the ramped area and started cleaning up the planks and lumber, and made sure to get the heavy pieces before my dad had a chance to touch them. In all honesty, he seemed intent on making sure that my dad did not have heavy work to do. He seemed worried about him carrying and lifting. He had a very kind heart. He knew which lumber belonged where, several times saying where the planks had come from. We thanked him profusely, as he truly did so much to help get the hot tub in place. He said “No problem! I’m happy to help!”

Not long after, Jordan walked down the beach in his bare feet, and returned a couple of hours later with a big loaf of bread.  He was outside on the deck for a while and then left in his car for a few hours. We went to my mom and dad’s for supper and by the time we came back his car was there. At my mum and dad’s cabin, my dad kept going on about what a great help Jordan was, and said that not many kids his age pitch in like he did. He was very impressed with Jordan, we all were.

The evening was warm and calm. Around 8:30, the sky was that perfect lavender and Jordan was out sitting and standing at the end of the dock again. I was down on the dock with Mike cleaning up the water toys from the boat. Jordan smiled at me and he looked happy and relaxed, by now he was sitting in the boat. The air had calmed by then, and it was a lovely night. Thankfully the mosquitoes have really declined over the last two weeks, so sitting outside was comfortable.

That evening the stars were bright. Jordan was out on the deck having a smoke when I tidied up the deck at around 10. I said “Have a good night Jordan” and he said “You too.” He couldn’t have missed seeing the stars, they were so bright that to miss them was impossible.

When I put the kids to bed at 11 there was a small light on in your living room. By the time I went to bed at midnight, the light was turned off. When I got up in the morning, Jordan had left.

He seemed peaceful and relaxed this weekend. There was no indication that anything was wrong. We don’t know Jordan very well, but he’s always been very friendly, and offered the sweetest smiles to me and the kids. We can’t begin to imagine the pain you are all feeling, and the anguish at not having had the weekend with him at the lake. He really seemed to be just where he needed to be, and his moments sitting out on the dock seemed to be filled with peace.

I was so impressed with Jordan this weekend, and at the RM meeting. He spoke so eloquently during the meeting, and when he and I went up after the meeting and stood in line to speak with the Reeve, he was chatty. He said to the Reeve something like “I really don’t understand why you would ignore the advice of an international expert in drainage. It doesn’t make sense!” He was obviously a proud son. His kindness toward my dad will be something I never forget. It is rare to meet someone so young who is so tuned into the physical limits of older people. I’m not exaggerating when I say he shadowed my dad the entire morning we worked to move the tub.

We sincerely hope that the lake remains a place of peace for all of you.  I carefully looked at your beach, and his foot prints are in the sand walking up to your dock. I’ve taken photos of them for you. I hope they are still here when you come up this week.

Your tribute to him is beautiful. You raised a lovely lovely son, and he will be missed by all of the lake neighbours. Duncan and Diane are shell shocked. The pain we all feel for your family is tremendous and we will be praying for your peace.

Take good care.

With love,

Tasha and Mike

Jordan’s Obituary

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Jordan

The world is a lonelier place today. The colors are muted; there is less shine to the stars, no warmth to the sun. The sudden and unexpected loss of our beloved Jordan has left an entire extended family shattered. At a time when one should be writing a graduation or wedding tribute, his mother Lori, his father Greg, his brother Lucas and his cherished dog Niko are left to mourn his loss and celebrate the gift of his life.

Jordan held himself to such incredibly important values: kindness, honesty, trustworthiness. He had a strong work ethic, strong views on social justice, a commitment to physical health, and he leveraged the Chartier gene for determination (some may say stubbornness) to be successful in everything he tried.  Jordan was always a little bit “more”; more intense, more determined, more focused, more caring, more kind. The intensity with which he attacked athletics, academics and every other endeavour he undertook was both a strength and weakness.

Jordan attended Evan Hardy Collegiate and graduated from Grade 12 as one of the top 10 students; qualifying him as a Greystone scholar. He received academic awards for the highest marks in science and in industrial arts and the furniture he built in Woods was of artisan quality. He loved the outdoor club and the annual canoe trip was always eagerly anticipated. He took pride in doing well at school and could not wait to get to University and get started on his dream of becoming a doctor – achieving Dean’s list in his first year. What is even more remarkable is that he achieved this while spending every Saturday morning for 3 years volunteering with the PAALS program on campus and almost daily as a volunteer coach with his beloved Arn’s Falcons.

Jordan always had your back. In life and in sports, where playing defense always felt like home to him. There wasn’t a sport invented that Jordan didn’t excel at; hockey with the Red Wings, soccer with the Aurora Club, running middle distance for the Saskatoon Track Club, barefoot skiing and wakeboarding at the cabin. He was a proud Kids of Steel and went on to the Saskatchewan Triathlon Association where he won the provincial and interprovincial triathlon in his age category for two years. But football was his true love and passion – and he made lifelong friends during his four years with the Arn’s Falcons and then the Hardy Souls.

Family was everything to Jordan. Gatherings of the clan at Emma Lake, the annual camping trip to Waskesiu, hot cross buns at Easter, elbowing his way through the packed kitchen at Grandma’s to ensure he got his share of the turkey, enjoying another of Uncle Darren’s gourmet feasts, working in the Greenhouse with Grandpa, proudly doing his shift at the Farmer’s Market. And within minutes of arriving at any family event, Jordan would immediately have little cousins hanging from him like Christmas lights. He absolutely adored Niko the wonder dog and the long rambling walks through Sutherland Beach were a source of comfort and healing for Jordan. Our grand family adventure – six months touring New Zealand and Australia – was a turning point in our life as a family. It cemented the boy’s relationship as brothers and enlarged their view of the world.

We have learned a lot about resilience these past five years; and about hope and despair. We’ve witnessed the terrible toll that stigma can play in a young person’s fight to recover from an illness that robs them of their very essence. We will not let the challenges he faced in the last few years erase all that Jordan was as a person.

Those who knew and loved Jordan are invited to a celebration of his life at 4pm Tuesday August 6th at Holy Family Cathedral. No suits please. Wear your flip flops and shorts, your favorite t-shirt, a jersey from one of his teams.

If you wish to honour Jordan’s memory – a donation to the Kinsmen Football league to purchase equipment that would allow more kids to play, or to any of the agencies committed to supporting those with mental illness would be greatly appreciated.

We are shattered

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There is no easy way to tell you and I am incapable of speech. Jordan died today. He has been acutely ill for weeks and increasingly paranoid, agitated and confused. Today he just stepped out of a car going a hundred km an hour. He died instantly. I prefer to think he was just distracted and confused – he tried to do the same thing last weekend in a parking lot. I am numb and so afraid to let the grief in because I think it may kill me. I will call you when I am ready to talk. I know you love me

Are you kidding me?

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I thought I would share the rant I wrote today in response to a query from the Public Trustee on why we had not filed our guardianship papers yet (six weeks after we first initiated contact).

Good morning. No we did not go to the courthouse after all. Frankly we  finally just gave up out of sheer frustration as we were overwhelmed in dealing with our son.

 Our 24 year old had his first psychotic break 4 years ago and has been certified and hospitalized 6 times in the last four years. I don’t believe he has ever been stable during that time – he has simply learned how to hide it better. We are working with a diagnosis of Bipolar – and  I can’t imagine a more challenging population to deal with. Young, bright, ambitious people who are suddenly tossed into a terrifying world of delusions, paranoia and hallucinations – and who have little insight if any into the fact that they are ill.

His last psychotic break occurred while we were out of the country. And despite flying home early and trying to manage him over the phone and through family, by the time we got home he was missing. And would remain so for three days until we finally received a call from him from inside the Saskatoon Correctional Center. He was terrified and had no idea where he was, why he was there, or what was happening. I can’t imagine a more frightening experience for someone who has paranoid delusions about the police wanting to  “make him disappear”

 No one at SCC would speak to us about his charges. Nor would they allow me to talk to anyone so that I could ensure they were aware of his diagnosis and his medication and treatment plan. The police would not tell us anything either. And our son could not speak for himself.

I called your office in deep distress and spoke to a very kind woman on a Friday who walked me through the forms. Unfortunately I learned my husband had to sign in front of a commissioner of oaths and he was out of town. She reassured me that if I got them signed and faxed to her on Monday she would process. I asked her if I could just go to a judge in Saskatoon and she said no, the forms had to come to your office. So we faxed them. And then we waited. After several days we called, we emailed. Finally on the Thursday before the Easter weekend my husband got in touch with someone who said we needed to take the forms to the courthouse. And additional forms were needed than those we had been directed to fill out.  My husband called the courthouse and was told that it would be at least 14 days before a decision would be made. It had already been two weeks. At that point we simply gave up. Our son was now in the NB hospital and we were able to communicate with the care team – which was our most important priority.

 We are once again dealing with the fallout of these psychotic breaks – and there is inevitably significant financial cost to us as we deal with the police, missing vehicles, missing property, property damage, prescription costs, travel costs, court dates etc etc. I can’t help but believe it could have all been easier if we had legal standing as his guardian. The emotional cost is harder to quantify and it becomes more difficult with each instance as we are less resilient.

We will pursue some sort of guardianship so that we are prepared for the next bout. My email is not meant to lay blame, simply to point out that the process is confusing and complicated and certainly not timely enough when you are a family in crisis. There are huge gaps in communication between the police, corrections, and the healthcare system. If I had been able to obtain immediate temporary guardianship I could have advocated better for my son and ensured his legal rights were honoured and avoided a significant period of time where he was not receiving his medications.

Feel free to distribute this message to others within your department and engage them in a frank conversation about how your approach and processes could be improved.

Our day in court…

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Jordan had his final court appearance this morning. Absolute Discharge (no criminal record) – which is the only just result. Everyone involved knew he had no business being in the criminal system in the first place. So now he is ours again.

How do all those poor souls without loving families manage? He was immediately out the courthouse door and on the street with his prison sweats on his back. No jacket. No money. No ride. It is apparently up to him to go to the Police Station or Correctional Center to find his clothes and belongings. No meds either– and he does not have a current prescription for Lithium. His last dose of Olanzipine was Tuesday – and he refuses to take any until he sees Dr. A on the 23rd. He says he only needs it “prn”.  I called the pharmacy and begged 4 days of Lithium from them until I can get in touch with Dr. A on Monday.

He’s jittery. Rapid speech. Up and down the stairs. In and out of the house. It’s exhausting. He smoked 4 cigarettes in the first hour – sigh. We need to buy an income property and put him in it asap. He’s by no means well – but hopefully some of it is just relief at being out and at home.  And while I predict we will have another episode within six months, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best.

My beautiful boy is in there somewhere – when the judge asked him if he had anything to say, he stood and said “I’d like to apologize to the court for my previous state of mind and my behaviour” and the judge told him that he had nothing to apologize for – he can’t help the fact that he has a mental illness. But he can take steps to stay well – by staying off weed and staying on meds. I asked him if his lawyer told him to apologize – no, he replied, I just felt I needed to.

My arm is much better. I can shower and dress myself (bit of a weird hair thing going on though as I try and style with my left hand).  I used a knife and sliced a cucumber without popping my bone out. I even signed my name to the document that signals the end of mortgage payments on the cabin (just in time to take on another mortgage for that income property)

My knee is still very sore. And tough to find the right position to sit comfortably. Walking is still a painful challenge so I will be making everyone come to me at work next week.  I will experiment with some long acting arthritis meds and see if that improves things.

I have given up waiting for the snow to disappear – my Weather Network app shows little snowflakes till next Thursday. To cope with this depressing news, Lucas and I have turned viewing all the spring ads on TV for bug spray and lawn fertilizer into a drinking game.

An update from Calamity Jane

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I have spent far too much time observing our emergency departments this week. I am so thankful that it was not a fracture of my knee – simply arthritis flare up.

I am feeling better today. Using lots of heat and Aspirin (and let’s be honest, a little wine) and taking frequent breaks to stretch my leg out.

 I have managed to go 24 hours without popping my arm bone out (My last episode was yesterday morning when I reached out to open the back door for Niko. Yikes that hurt. Am now being more diligent about wearing sling so it reminds me not to use it).

 My biggest risk right now is the dog. He does not like it when I scream and cry. He does not understand why I am home, and in my PJ’s. He is following me everywhere I go and is flopped at my feet wherever I am sitting. It is quite disconcerting to have him standing guard at the door of the bathroom – he just stares at me till I am safely off the throne and standing again without incident. I am trying to train him NOT to try and race me down the stairs – another fall will destroy my will to live completely.

Greg and I won’t be sleeping much for the next 48 hours. Jordan got transferred back to the Correctional Center and is in general population in the overflow section – 18 bunks to a room. Just where you want to place a mentally ill patient who still believes people are sending him hand signals and eye signals. And who believes he is protected because “he knows people”.  Pray to whatever God you believe in that he does not end up in an altercation with another inmate. More fuel to my burning need to fix this broken system.

Any hooo… I have exceeded my two hour limit of keyboarding. So I must sign off and partake of more wine. Lucas is off for the next two days so I will have to make more of an effort to shower and dress 🙂

My turn to take the fall…

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So I guess it’s time I told you about my glamorous and graceful face plant last Friday morning at RUH – smack dab into the oncoming traffic trying to get into the parkade. The only thing that keeps me from dying of humiliation is knowing that many other poor souls slipped and fell as well – however they had the good sense to land on their butts instead.

 Turns out I dislocated my right arm – popped the humerus bone out of the shoulder socket. And it keeps wanting to do so – which I do not find humorous at all. I am to keep it immobilized for at least a week (the doctor and I came to an agreement on typing). I feel sorry for my colleague Alex who was witness to the outcome of the doctor saying “Can you lift your arm like this?” and the ensuing screaming and swearing. There were a few x-ray technicians that I had to apologize to as well.

I attempted to come to work Monday but experienced significant leg pain. My nursing colleagues (and Greg) insisted on another visit to emergency (no, I did not assist in the escape of that prisoner yesterday). I had an xray and a CT scan – no fracture thank goodness – but the hard fall on my knees has sent my arthritis into a full blown temper tantrum. I am to stay off my leg for the rest of the week. Crutches is not an option (hard to do with a useless right arm) so I am working from home.

Here’s hoping your week is going better than mine. And if you could arrange for winter to come to an end I would be grateful. More snow on the weekend? Are you kidding me?.

 Calamity Jane

Peace on earth…

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This December I found myself spending a lot of time reflecting on the meaning of “Peace on Earth”. Perhaps it’s because Greg was in Cairo during the Palestine/Israel conflict and then found himself right in the middle of the Egyptian protests against Morsi’s new constitution. Perhaps it was the tragic shootings in Newtown that I can hardly bear to think about. But more likely it’s because there was no peace to be found in our home last Christmas and 2012 seemed to delight in testing our resilience over and over.

I briefly toyed with the idea of boycotting Christmas – no tree, no decorations, just ignore the whole thing. But then in one of my rambling internet searches one night, I stumbled onto an editorial from the NY Times written Dec 25, 2002:

“Peace on Earth. In all the clutter of Christmas meanings, in the rush and burden that almost engulfs this day, that hope is still its truest meaning. The resilience of this holiday, the way it seems to clutch at our emotions in the most unexpected ways, comes as much from the sense of individual promise it arouses in each of us as from the rituals of shopping and giving gifts to one another.

We postpone our resolutions till the New Year, but if we have resolutions to make, they awaken today. Through the lights and the wrapping paper, over the sounds of music and what for many of us has become a quiet celebration, we take the risk of imagining a better world, containing better versions of ourselves. To imagine that world and those people takes ”mercy mild” and the willingness to give in to this festival in the darkest time of the year. It takes the hope that ”Peace on Earth” isn’t merely a relic from an old, old tale, an impossible wish overheard in the night.”

The written word can be such a powerful tool. And so I resolved then and there to take the risk of “imagining a better world”. Lucas and I bought a tree, strung the lights, watched “Christmas Vacation”, baked sugar cookies and listened to Christmas music. We faithfully watched all of the Food Network Christmas specials for the secret to the perfect turkey and eventually applied Gordon Ramsay’s techniques with spectacular success. While I had long ago ordered iPads for the boys online, Greg and I hit the new Factory Outlets when he got home so we could feel a part of the Christmas shopping experience (and got unbelievable deals as well!). I took time each evening to sit beside the twinkling tree; fireplace on, dog at my feet and watch a corny Christmas movie.

But most importantly I took the time to reflect on, and be grateful for, all the blessings in my life. For Jordan – who survived his darkest and bleakest year yet and is in a much better place than he was last Christmas. For my mom – who wasn’t sure she would see this Christmas and whose cancer journey has been far better than we had imagined it would be. For Lucas – who gets more confident, more responsible and yes, wittier, every day.

I am grateful for all the beautiful babies that arrived this year – and for the joy they brought to their Grandmother’s. And for Carter Brian Ron Hood – the handsome young man who made me a Great Aunt!

I am grateful for the time we were given with Paulette and for the gift of being able to support her and be with her. Her passing reinforced how important it is to nurture the deep and abiding friendships that constantly shore me up and help me bounce back from life’s latest punch.

And so I find myself heading into the New Year with renewed hope and optimism. 13 has always been Greg’s lucky number – so 2013 must surely be the “Year of the Chartier”. And my “impossible wish, overheard in the night” is that we do find some peace on our little patch of earth. That Jordan continues to move forward in his recovery, that Lucas discovers the freedom that driving a car will give him and that he takes himself on a grand adventure before heading to University in September. My wish for Greg is that he continues to find ways to blend his consultant work with the travel he so enjoys, and that I can begin to free myself from my responsibilities in order to join him along the way.

And I wish the same for you –whatever your hopes and dreams and burdens are – that 2013 brings you love, joy and most of all … peace.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

(Did you really think I’d let you get away without a picture of Niko waiting to open his presents?)Niko Christmas

I may die of embarassment

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Finally home after a marathon day at the cancer clinic. I am seated at my home office desk, a very large glass of white wine within easy reach, my SRNA license in tatters on the floor. 

Turns out that the sore calf muscle we have all been massaging since she fell two weeks ago is actually a blood clot. Fat lot of good it did having a “nurse” in the family. Thank goodness we got a thorough resident today who actually examined mom and noticed her left leg was swollen. And yes, she had mentioned it to me this morning, but what she actually said was “my ankle is sore again and it is starting to swell again” and so we talked about her need to get to her family doctor and get an X-ray done. That’s my excuse and I am sticking to it.

So now we add daily injections of Tinzaparin into the mix for the next 6 months. I asked Dr. K’s nurse Jackie to contact Home Care to see if they could share the job with me. I am sure once she gets over the shock of the news mom will be willing to do it herself. At least that is my hope. Mom can’t seem to get past the thought that we might have dislodged it and killed her. I suggested she too should have a strong drink tonight and then I thought of Paulette all the way home.

Today reinforced the fact that the two sides of the cancer house (radiation and chemo) don’t talk to each other. Dr. K (who was 30 minutes late, and my mom was 30 minutes early so we were already tired and cranky before we begin), began explaining yet again that radiation isn’t an option right now. I asked him why he thought we were there to see him – he said for a regular follow up appointment. I said no, we are here for you to interpret the bone scan results and discuss the need/option of targeted radiation to her spine and ribs. “What bone scan?” he replied. But bless his heart, he then spent the next 10 minutes doing a detailed comparison between all the test results and in the end we are still in the same situation – the spots could be cancer, could be result of trauma. Bone cancer does not respond to chemo. So the best option is to get through the next two cycles of chemo, repeat CT scan and then decide. If the spots are better – then it is trauma induced. If they are worse – likely cancer and need radiation. It sounded like a good plan to us.

Next stop – pharmacy for a medication review. This was news to us but we are pretty cooperative patients. The pharmacist says I want to review all the medications you are on. My mom says “I am not on any meds”. The pharmacist looks at her likes she is crazy and pulls out the two page PIP profile and proceeds to ask her about all the drugs dispensed in the last few months (Ativan, Dilaudid, Tylenol with codeine, Ranitadine, Steroids…). I started to laugh and I said “Mom, your drug profile is terrifying and they are worried you might actually be taking all these drugs”. We confirmed we were only hooked on the stool softener and off we went for blood work.

Next stop oncology and the lovely and earnest Dr. A. As soon as I saw his facial expression when mom showed him her swollen leg I KNEW it was a clot. We were off to RUH Medical Imaging, had an ultrasound and were back in the clinic in 30 minutes. Jackie was waiting with a syringe full of anti-clotting medication and an amused look on her face (OK, maybe I just imagined she was laughing at the two obtuse nurses).

 I am trying to rebuild my self-esteem by pointing out that if mom had not had so many falls and injuries, that if she was just having chemo and one day said “Gee my calf is sore” that the old RN from E4 would have immediately diagnosed it. I am trying to sell that story – but will need some more wine to finish the deal.

Paulette Traynor June 28, 1951 – September 16, 2012

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I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant world
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you I have been changed for good.