Oh my – look at these two! Hearts full of love, heads full of hair and eye’s looking to the future they would build together. They had lots of plans and dreams but honestly, they really had no idea what the next 30 years would bring – or how much hard work a good marriage takes.

Greg quickly worked to achieve one of his dreams – building a home for the two of them with his own hands. Lori was less enamored with the idea of spending 8 hours a day at her real job and another 8 or 10 hours working for the world’s crankiest general contractor. It made for a lot of tense conversations and yes, a few scream fests when both were exhausted beyond common sense. But they got through it – even if both of them moved in to the house just to spite the other one – took a few breaths and got past it.

The birth of their kids revealed to them another whole level of joy and love. It also brought it’s share of challenges – no one at the prenatal class ever prepares you for what it feels like when things don’t go as planned and you face surgery, a month in the neonatal unit and several years of specialist appointments. But they got through it – and that tiny baby is now a healthy 23-year-old – took a few breaths and got past it.

They took turns going back to school to pursue a graduate degree and they juggled jobs, and kids and activities and bills. And yes, sometimes it felt like too much to handle, or that the other one wasn’t carrying their load, and they weren’t shy about sharing those feelings! But they got through it – taught their kids the importance of working hard to achieve their goals – took a few breaths and got past it.

They spent half a lifetime in hockey rinks and soccer fields and at track fields cheering the boys on. They built campfires and roasted hotdogs and consumed more S’mores than is healthy or wise. They fished and skied and kayaked and spent lazy days on the boat and late nights on the deck star gazing. They spent time with family and friends and nourished the relationships that become the foundation of a good life. One day they packed up the kids and ran away for six months to New Zealand and Australia and watched the boys grow tall and tanned and independent thanks to heavy doses of sunshine and ocean waves and days of adventure.

The death of their oldest son in 2013, after years of watching him struggle and eventually disappear into a mental illness he did not deserve and could not survive, brought them to a dark place they are still trying to return from. The pain of that loss was compounded by the fact that the person they had always been able to count on for support could not be there for them – as each of them was working desperately just to survive themselves. If you were to ask them, both would tell you that they’re still not through it – but now they are in it together, and they continue to breathe deeply, in the hopes they’ll find a way to get past it.

Marriage can be such hard work – and the hardest part of all is being courageous enough to love someone in the first place. To stick it out past those first heady days of romance and get to the point where you truly begin to know each other. When you discover how they behave when you disappoint them, when they are hurt, when they are sick, when they are under pressure, when the GPS is not directing you in the direction they think it should, or they are worried about money or just really, really hungry! Marriage means pain and sacrifice, and it can severely test your ability to forgive. And there are those few dark moments (and trust me, these two have had them), when you feel like you will never, ever, hate another human being as much as you currently hate your partner. And when that happens all you can do is trust in the truth of the love you felt when you exchanged those vows, and the faith you had that you were meant to spend your lives together. And you close your eyes, and take a deep breath and you know you’ll get past this too. Because in the end, it’s not really about a ceremony or a piece of paper or “some ink stains that have dried upon some line.” It’s about a promise made in your heart to help each other build a life that is deeper and richer and more meaningful than you could ever have achieved alone.

“And there’s not enough chocolate, there’s too many chores.

There’s so many mountains that I haven’t explored.

This is why I need you.

’cause you make the darkness less dark,

You make the edges less sharp,

You make the winter feel warmer.

You make my weakness less weak,

You make the bottom less deep,

You make the waiting feel shorter.

You make my crazy feel normal every time.

You are the who, love is the what, this is the why.”

(Jesse Ruben – This is Why I Love You”)