“All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them”

(Isak Dinesen)

Billy Joe Shaver is a 75 year old country music singer and writer. Fifteen years ago he lost his son and writing partner to a heroin overdose. I was introduced to Billy Joe’s story through the “What’s Your Grief” blog. Billy still talks to his son whenever he is on onstage – and he firmly believes his son is still with him.

“I do believe that when people die their goodness, the good things they’ve done, it seems like they melt into your likeness and you become a better person for it”

I know I feel like a different person since Jordan’s death. I carry him with me; in fact in many ways he is on my mind far more than he ever would have been had he survived.

The blog went on to talk about the “continuing bonds” theory of grief – that grief isn’t a linear process that ends with acceptance or a new life, rather grief is about slowly finding ways to adjust and redefine your relationship with your loved one; a continuing bond that will endure in different ways, and to varying degrees, throughout your life.

I see our extended family doing this; considering all the goodness that melted into them from Jordan. The things he taught them, the values he instilled, the pieces of him that remain a part of them. And several of them have created tangible and permanent reminders.

I’ve written before (Remembering Jordan) about Halie’s star – literally pressed onto her by Jordan’s spirit.

Hennessey’s tattoo is both a tribute to Jordan and a reminder of how she wants to live her life.

“I’ve been thinking about Jordan a lot lately and the impact he’s had personally, on the way I see the world. Since returning from Ecuador last summer I’ve wanted to find a way to commemorate Jordan in my life, so after a lot of thought, I went ahead and got “Widen your Eyelids” tattooed on my foot. I wanted to let you know what this means for me. For me, Widen Your Eyelids isn’t just one of Jordan’s favorite songs but it represents a way of living and viewing the world. I’ve listened to this song every day, several times a day, for the past year. I really see it as a reminder to always be positive and see the good in the world, not take anything for granted, and to travel, experience, and appreciate the people and places around you. For me the words “widen your eyelids” represent Jordan. Having this tattooed on my foot gives me a constant reminder of these things and how important it is to live in the moment. I was truly lucky to have someone like Jordan in my life even if it was only for a short time.”

Connor designed his tattoo himself and he chose to weave in the green ribbon of bipolar awareness.

When I first saw it I was struck by the thought that through Connor, Jordan will be back on a football field next Husky season. And I was reminded again of what remarkable human beings all of my nieces and nephews are and how grateful we are to have them in our life.

 I want to go on a trip to the islands

Take a trip from the hills to the highlands

See some things that will leave me silent

The type of mileage that widens your eyelids