Monthly Archives: November 2013

Once a Falcon…

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Another gift…falconThe Arns Falcon Bantams informed us that they will be honored to present the Jordan Chartier Memorial Trophy to this year’s (and for years to come)Outstanding Lineman.   

We also learned that the Bantam Team wore black arm bands this season to celebrate and honour the lives of Quinn Stevenson and Jordan Chartier who were Falcons.  Coach Chris Lemkky told the boys that “once a Falcon, always a Falcon at heart and to wear these arm bands with pride”.  This slide of Jordan and Quinn ran in the slide show during the banquet.

They asked us to prepare something that could be read when the trophy was awarded:

Jordan Chartier was an exceptional young man.  An Evan Hardy Soul, he graduated from Grade 12 as one of the top 10 students; qualifying him as a Greystone scholar. He received academic awards for the highest marks in science and in industrial arts and the furniture he built in Woods was of artisan quality.

Jordan held himself to such incredibly important values: kindness, honesty, trustworthiness. He had a strong work ethic, strong views on social justice, a commitment to physical health, and he leveraged the Chartier gene for determination (some might say stubbornness) to be successful in everything he tried.

He believed in community service and demonstrated that commitment by donating blood and volunteering for 3 years with the PAALS program on campus; spending every Saturday morning assisting children with physical and intellectual impairments participate in physical activities. During his first year at the University of Saskatchewan, Jordan was a volunteer coach for the Titans.

He was a talented athlete who achieved success in several sports (track, triathlon, hockey, soccer), but football was his true passion. Jordan shared his love for the game with his grandfather, Rusty Chartier, who was a member of the 1953 Canadian Championship Hilltops Football Club.  It was also a point of great pride that the team his Grandfather played for was coached by Bob Arn and John Babineau.

Jordan spent five years playing for the Falcon’s, beginning with the Peewee team in 2000. He was 11 years old and we were stunned when they put this skinny kid on the Offensive Line where he played center and on special teams. We thought the coaches were crazy but they clearly saw something in Jordan and he responded to the challenge.

Jordan led by example, starting with never missing a practice rain, snow or shine and he played with the same level of intensity regardless of whether it was a practice or a provincial championship.  A former teammate described an occasion when he had let his guard down during a practice only to find himself on the receiving end of a crushing blow from Jordan. “You do not stop until the whistle is blown” Jordan reminded him.

His proudest moment as a Falcon was when the team went undefeated; capping the season with the city championships. He brought his extensive football experience with him to the Evan Hardy Senior Football team continuing to play offense, defense and special teams; there were many games where Jordan didn’t come off the field. His leadership and skills contributed to the Souls achieving the High School Championship and going to provincial finals. At his final football awards banquet, Jordan was presented with the “Fighting Heart” award; two words that perfectly describe his drive and determination and his love for the game.

Many of the values Jordan lived his life by were honed and reinforced by his experience with Kinsmen Football. He learned the value of hard work, about discipline and commitment, teamwork and respect for others.  At the first Falcon awards banquet he ever attended, Jordan was given a certificate with the motto “Fortune Favors the Brave”. And that is probably the most valuable lesson Jordan received from playing football – to be brave under difficult circumstances, to have the courage to tackle impossible tasks, to never stop fighting.

Once a Falcon, always a Falcon.

Leaning in … and looking back

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photo (2)The first few weeks of November were very hard. I over extended my schedule, didn’t take time to exercise, or to grieve, and as a result was left feeling vulnerable and constantly close to tears. Which the control freak in me absolutely hated!

It didn’t help that we spent the  afternoon of November 8th with the Chief of Police and two of his superintendents reviewing Jordan’s history with the Saskatoon Police Service. Reading the police reports detailing the circumstances that lead to his being arrested last March was WAY harder than I expected;  every officer who came in contact with him that weekend knew, and documented, that he was obviously very ill and yet he ended up in jail rather than in emergency. Reliving the desperation and fear we experienced during that last psychotic break was so emotionally draining. I realized that if I was going to continue to try and share Jordan’s story, I needed to find a way to build some resilience.

Loyal  followers of this Blog (all 2 of you!) will know I haven’t had much luck when it comes to finding a counsellor. However I am finding it helpful to borrow the advice being given to a friend by her grief counsellor.

As a result, one of the things I have been working on is trying to control when the grief comes. The counsellor’s recommendation was to set aside 20 minutes each day, at the same time each day, and lean into the grief and feel all of the feelings that come. Then thank Jordan for the shared time and let him know that I have to go and do other things.  The therapist said it was important to try to compartmentalize the grief, but not to block it – which is why it is so important to set aside time each day.  If we spend too much time leaning into the grief we deplete our reserves of strength.  And blocking the grief for too long leaves you feeling weepy and vulnerable. She also reinforced that working too much depletes our reserves and doesn’t allow time for positive things (like driving Lucas to school, walking at the pool). Taking more control over my calendar is a work in progress.

Journalling as a coping mechanism is highly recommended by everyone, and they hardly need to sell me on the emotional merits of writing – it’s a tool I have used for years. But there have been many times over the last four years (and especially in the weeks after Jordan’s funeral) where the grief and pain was so profound that writing seemed risky to my emotional well being and I physically could not make myself do it. But lately there has been a little voice in my head urging me to write – telling me that getting it out of my head is the only way to heal my heart.

So I have started with a relatively easy first step –  retrieving some of the emails I have written since Jordan first became ill and dumping them into this blog. You will notice that there are some huge gaps – times when dealing with Jordan’s situation and dealing with life was simply too overwhelming, too painful to share. Going back in time and filling in those gaps is the harder, but necessary, next step. We’ll see how it goes.

“I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul”