My kid ran on me last night.

We have been taking thirty minute walks outside the hospital. I agreed to try an hour and to take him for a drive. We walked on the beach of Skaha Lake and he seemed OK. Then he started to get a little agitated, said “I am going to walk over there” and took off quickly. Me hobbling in pursuit. He darted into a private yard and was gone. It took me maybe 90 seconds to spot him – stripped down to his pajama bottoms and walking off into the sunset. The deck of the house ended right in the water, tree roots to climb over etc. I just kept screaming his name and begging him to stop. I think I may have screamed that he needed to stop – he was giving me a heart attack (which wasn’t far from the truth). And thanks to God or Allah or the patron saint of the insane and mothers, he stopped and came back. Was very angry with me. Wasn’t trying to run. Just wanted to go for a swim. I guess I should be grateful he was with it enough to respond to my voice and to get into the car and return to the hospital.

Jesus Fucking Christ. The terror I felt during those few minutes where I couldn’t find him.

I told the staff when we got back, so no more passes. Greg was good about it but I know he thinks this wouldn’t have happened if he had been there.

Yet another psychiatrist today. Honestly, he is getting no treatment what so ever other than Respiradol twice a day and being kept secure. He’s not even talking to me now. All he does all day is smoke and hang out with all the other crazy people. I am going to push hard for a medical transport back to Saskatoon today. Maybe his health plan covers it.

I am OK. Slept better than I expected to after the “incident”.